The Definition of Cruelty

Cruelty is when your wife brings home 5 bags of candy to pass out to the kids at Halloween, and then leaves them all unopened in plain view. We're talking little KitKats, mini-boxes of Milk Duds and M&Ms, peanut butter cups, and other chocolatey goodies. I can't snurch any of them without opening a package, which would, of course, blow my cover.

I tried convincing her that it would be okay to open the M&Ms because I didn't like them, but she didn't buy it.

The very definition of cruelty.