"Little Ward Churchills" could become a reality!

Ward Churchill may or may not be Native American, but there's one group that proudly claims him: the Raelians.

The Raelians, you may recall, are a UFO cult that believes humans were created by extraterrestrials. They are also the founders of Clonaid, a company that alleges to offer "therapeutic" or reproductive cloning services.

The Raelians recently bestowed the title of Honorary Priest on Ward Churchill.

"Mr. Churchill is exactly right in what he wrote!," said Ricky Roehr, leader of the U.S. Raelian Movement, in a statement issued February 10. "If we are to have peace, we must take responsibility for our part in the violence and stop handing out blame as if we have done nothing. Quite the contrary, we have done terrible things to countless people. Churchill addressed the cause of the 9/11 attacks, and people want to shoot the messenger. Fox News and the right wing would have him thrown out of the U.S. for being unpatriotic and insensitive to the innocent people killed in the 9/11 attacks. It is precisely Churchill's compassion for loss of innocent life that prompted his essay."

Roehr sent Churchill a copy of the release along with a personal note, but so far the Raelian hasn't heard back from the besieged professor.

Oh, I'm sure he's just been busy. But so has Rael, who's been handing out honorary priesthoods like Chick Tracts. Other recent recipients include Bill Gates, Linda Ronstadt and George Michael.

Gates was so honored because of the $3 billion he donated, a Rael spokesperson said, to “charitable trusts which are promoting greater equality in global health and learning.”

For Rael, it’s a quick leap from Gates’ philanthropy to the evil of Catholicism, which teaches that “money is bad” and should be “donated to the Vatican, which will only add this money from poor people to its outrageous wealth and use this money for converting more people to a religion which, among many other crimes, promotes AIDS by lying about the effectiveness of condoms, has always been against medical developments such as vaccines or surgery and was a supporter of slavery and money laundering.”

. . .

Rael bestowed Honorary Priest status on Linda Ronstadt, the singer who gave us the gutsy version of “When Will I Be Loved.” Ronstadt’s shining moment, however, came when she praised Michael Moore, maker of the anti-Bush documentary, during a Las Vegas concert.

Rael used the controversial Ronstadt moment to launch a diatribe against the president, the Iraq war, WMDs, neglect of the Palestinian cause, Bush’s hypocrisy as a Christian and the practice of flossing your teeth.

And even Eminem gets to be an honorary Raelian priest!

Rael, leader of the International Raelian Movement (www.rael.org) has just named Eminem an Honorary priest of the Raelian Movement for his latest song “Mosh”. This title is not given often, and only given to public figures not afraid of jeopardizing their careers for their standing up for peace – especially in this time where the Bush administration calls all anti-war comments as “unpatriotic”.

Man, becoming an honorary priest of Rael is what all the cool kids are doing.

But hey, if Ward Churchill does get fired, at least he'll have a job offering homilies to a bunch of clones.

Come to think of it, . . . do we really want some company with cloning technology anywhere near Ward Churchill? Isn't one enough?