Wednesday, March 28, 2007

How to win the war on terror.

I've made it a goal in life to avoid Las Vegas. This only convinces me that my goal is a wise one.

Michael Jackson is in discussions about creating a 50-foot robotic replica of himself to roam the Las Vegas desert, according to reports.

Let's pause right there and let that sink in.

Fifty. Foot. Michael Jackson Robot.

Think about it.

Fear it.

The pop legend is currently understood to be living in the city, as he considers making a comeback after 2004's turbulent child sex case.

It has now been claimed that his plans include an elaborate show in Vegas, which would feature the giant Jacko striding around the desert, firing laser beams.

Firing laser beams.

While I'm absolutely terrified by the idea, I also want to see it happen, because if we could develop an army of fifty foot Michael Jackson Robots firing laser beams, every rogue nation on the planet would cower before us. And most of our allies, too.

We need this.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Blogging may resume . . .

Where have you been, you blogging sluggard?

Promises, promises. I told you all I'd be a good little blogger and stick at it for more than a month, didn't I? Well, the fates had another plan.

At the beginning of February I was contacted by a former employer, asking if I'd temporarily fill in for awhile. One of the editors was leaving, and then wanted to take about a month to find his replacement. They also asked if I would interview for the position. Given that it was a different (and more structured) position than the last one I had over there (and one more to my liking), I agreed. I also figured it would be no problem getting the permanent position since 1. I knew the business, 2. I knew the procedures, 3. I knew the special software they used to run everything, 4. I already knew most of my co-workers. Maybe that last one was the sticking point?

Anyway, I agreed, and spent all of February and a bit of March working hard like a good employee, putting on a happy face, pretending that I LOVED LOVED LOVED this job. I also had figured out that the key to surviving was to be part of the "inner circle," I would become the boss's best buddy. I would even talk about golf if it helped (because that seemed to be topic #1 among the inner circle). I might even (gasp!) play golf!

Unfortunately, I don't think I ever really got much of a chance to schmooze. And the only other person they interviewed for the position--my position--they hired.

And then I had to train that person in.

Lucky for them I'm a good sport about such things. (And lucky for me I never burn bridges behind me even while several people pour gasoline all over the bridges in front of me.)

Meanwhile, all of my own projects began piling up on my desk at home, so after my time of testing was over, I had to dig out from under the pile.

I'm still digging, but I'm breathing air again. So it goes.

Welcome back, me.